Hope

I am one of those people that just cannot live without hope. Right now our situation feels hopeless. I know that it is not but it feels it. I am also one of those people with to many damn feelings. I am one big mess of feelings. Hurt feelings, sad feelings, angry feelings. I wish I could step out of myself just one day. Phil has a job interview today. He really is trying to find work this time. It's tough. He doesn't have a good background. The longest he has stayed at a job is 3 years. He is a really good worker when he likes the job but you know everyone gets bored after awhile and than it is all down hill from there. Plus add in the fact that he is 49 and looks like a biker and no one wants to give him a chance. I want to be hopeful and support his but I am just not feeling it. The house search continues to suck. I wish Dad would offer Grandma's house. But no, he offered it to Caleb. Screw you oldest daughter and family. I know I should be greatful. And I am. He took us in when we had no where else to go. But shit I just feel like I don't matter. See what I mean too many damn feelings. Karen