Monday

Another weekend has come and gone. Crazy how fast those go.

This coming weekend we are going camping. Big group of us this time. The last few years it has been mostly my younger brother and his family and my family. We used to go camping every holiday in the summer with this group. I think this could be really fun but has the potential to go bad fast. We have all gotten older and less tolerant of bullshit. Plus, it turns out that one family has been feeling like they have been left out when we thought they cut us out. I am all for the live and let live but we will see. I am going into this expecting to have a big ass time. I am determined to have fun if it kills me. LOL

It will be nice to have a distraction this week with getting ready for camping. Its alot of work and will make it so I can't focus on myself so much. I think that that is a big part of my problem. I am in my own head to much. For many years I was really my only companion and I find it hard not to concentrate on only me. Working on it.

Sadness

I am stuck in a state of sadness. I have more sad days than not sad days. Lately, I have not had any happy days. I am sad about the state of my marriage, sad about my weight, sad that my husband can’t or won’t find a job, sad that I am losing my faith, sad that my kids don’t seem to like or want to spend time with me, sad about my job, sad about my family, sad that I don’t have any friends, sad about finances, sad that we don’t own a house. That’s a lot of sad and I don’t know how to fix any of it.

These two should be reason enough to be happy. Thankfully, I don't believe they know how I am feeling. I work really hard at being the happy mom when I am home. I need to figure this out though. I wish I could afford to go to a doctor about this. But with one income and no insurance that isn't going to happen.