I live with a lot of regret. I had very low self esteem all through school and dating was a terrible problem for me. First off, no one every asked me out on a date. I had several blind dates but no one just came up and asked me out. I felt like I was really fat (even though) I probably weighed less than 140lbs. So when I went into the Army, I was basically ripe for the picking for any guy that paid me any attention. Not good. And they paid attention; I guess I was considered pretty then. I didn’t handle it well at all. I guess you could say I lost my ever living mind. I got pregnant within a short time. I didn’t tell my parent’s until he was born. Than I had to call them back and tell them he died. I broke their hearts. It seemed sometimes that was all I was good at. When I got out of the service, I got pregnant again. Lost that baby also. Filed bankruptcy several times. Moved a lot. Changed jobs a lot. Married someone my parent’s were not crazy about. Gained a lot of weight.
My siblings don’t like me much, my husband doesn’t respect me, my dad tolerates me ( I mean I know he loves me but he doesn’t really want to spend time with me or my family). So I have a lot of regret. Sometimes it is suffocating. I realize that a lot of time that I am operating from regret. It’s an ongoing problem for me. And, I fear that it will hurt my children if I can’t figure out how to let this stuff go. There is nothing that I can do about it now. But, I can’t seem to let it go. I want so much to be the person God made me to be but I can’t figure that out either. I am thinking of seeing a counselor. Money is always the struggle though. Maybe when I get things lined out with my checking account.
Oh, yeah. Phil and I separated our money. He was never happy with how I paid the bills or spent money and he overdrew us a lot so now we have separate checking accounts. Another regret.
Karen
